paranoia strikes again

Some bleeding/spotting today, which left me sufficiently freaked out to call the midwives, who assured me that unless I started cramping (which I'm not) then I shouldn't worry. Also, I have been telling myself that either the baby is fine, or it's not, and there's nothing to be done either way. Neither of these reassurances are actually all that comforting.

aha!

So I'd been feeling crampy off and on over the past week or so, and it was worrying me a little. I'd figured out that more water seemed to make the sensation go away, but it felt so much like veryveryvery mild contractions that I didn't know what to make of it. Turns out that they're probably Braxton Hicks. I thought that that was something you only got in your last month or so, but apparently they start at six weeks and are noticeable for some women starting in the late first trimester.

Guess I need to start trying to drink even more water . . .

a (grateful) rant

I feel so fortunate that I have the education, intelligence, and (perhaps most of all) the good luck to be able to think for myself, even in situations - such as birth - where it is actively discouraged. If I hadn't been seated next to a girl at graduation, I wouldn't have reconnected with her, and I wouldn't have found the left-of-mainstream community that has been such an eye-opener to me. If my experiences in graduate school hadn't taught me cynicism toward the scientific establishment, and if I hadn't taught several classes' worth of pre-med students, and if I hadn't landed in a hospital brimming with incompetence, I might never have abandoned my blind faith in science and technology.

This all comes up because of this study and the fact that leaving the cord unclamped until it stops pulsing is already policy at the birth center. It frustrates me that not everyone has the information or opportunity to choose (what I believe is) a higher standard of care. I can understand just going with the flow, and I can even understand choosing that alternative care (other than following precisely what the doctor tells you) is not for you; I just wish everyone had the opportunity to make an informed decision.

13 weeks

I've decided the baby is going through a growth spurt because I've been ridiculously emotional the past two days, and what is pregnancy for if not to blame everything on hormones?

Also I've had pretty bad back pain over the past week - bad enough that I called the midwives on Monday to make sure I shouldn't be worried. She suggested heat packs and massage, and that maybe a visit to a chiropractor would be in order if that doesn't fix it. It seems to be better today, and I've been following her advice with the heat packs and yesterday sat in a super-massagey chair while we were in bed-bath-and-beyond. The pain and stiffness aren't all gone, but hopefully it will be better enough that I will actually be of some use while we are in Maryland this weekend.

picture courtesy about.com/pregnancy.

12 weeks today

I've decided that the differences between the two birth centers (the one in MD and the one here) sort of mirror some of the differences between the north and south. This birth center lacks some of the resources of Special Beginnings, but the consistent kindness and caringness of every single person we've met more than makes up for it, in my mind. Though that is why we chose to move back south, I guess.

We got to hear a nice, strong heartbeat yesterday at our first appointment, at which point I managed to embarrass myself by bursting into tears. Fortunately the midwife was very understanding.

11 weeks

Our 'informational tour' of the birth center is tomorrow, at which point we'll finally make an appointment.

You know, staring at that little progress ticker should not be as reassuring as it is.

60 dpo

Incredibly cute already.